In case you missed: After 'I do'- Episode 10
Go back to her!
For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you- John 13:15 (NKJV)
For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you- John 13:15 (NKJV)
Immediately I hear my spirit say I should go back to Omolade, I react. “Wow! God you must be kidding me. why do you want me to go back to her? Father she has hurt me too much. I know that I am not perfect but she has hurt me more than I have hurt her.I am not going anywhere”
By this all will know that you are My disciples, If you have love for one another-John 13:35
I try to win the argument “God you know I love you. You can’t say that I don’t love you, so this test is somewhat unnecessary”.
When I get no response from God , I continue to argue with my spirit,I hope God will see my point and not tell me to go back to Abuja “Father this is plain hard and hurtful. God don’t you see how she makes me feel? She pushes me away and needs me selfishly not as a wife should need a husband,but just to father a child for her. A child that she would love so she can further push me away.
Love do not keep record of wrong doing
When I see I am losing the argument with the voice of my spirit, an idea comes to my mind. “God let’s make a deal”.I say out as I pace the room like a lizard looking for food. “I would go back to meet Omolade at the hospital because you’ve asked me to, but you have to promise me that you will work on Omolade’s heart cos I don’t know if I can deal with her pettiness anymore.
Love never fails
I don’t like the answers God is giving me even if I know it’s the truth.I frown. “God please I need that promise…”
Above all,love each other deeply,because love covers a multitude of sin
“Father I give up with asking you questions. I will go back to Abuja to see Omolade but I will not extend any olive branch to her.” I say to him with a heavy heart. As I go online to book my ticket
My son, you know I love you right?
“Lord I know you do. That’s why I am surprised that you’ve refused to give me the promise that I’ve asked for”. I reply when I finally hear his voice again.
He laughs.“Tayo,I expect you to be confident in my love by now. Even before you made that request I was already in action working on her heart. Remember Omolade is also my bride and I love her. I hurt when she hurts and crave her attention more than you do.Even in her disobedience I still love her and I have put my grace upon her the same way I did for you. As I I have shown you love even when you did nothing to deserve it, can’t you be like me and show love to your wife despite what she has done to you? Or is my love not sufficient enough for you not to be moved by feelings from the reaction and action of man?”
I kneel down . “I am sorry father. I am sorry for being full of self righteousness indignation . I am sorry for putting judgement on someone else when I myself should have been condemned but for your mercy I was exonerated. I ask for forgiveness father”
“I am not a tyrant king, neither should you be.Son, I want to boast in your obedience as you can boast in my love for you. If it will make you feel better- I promise”
I jump and rejoice. It means that whatever I see or meet when I see Omolade I know God is already working on her heart and even if her heart is still unchanged I will still love her, cause the love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the spirit and I need no man to do anything to me before I extend the love Christ has given me to them.
It pays to walk with God and be able to recognise his voice. It took me a while to be able to discern his voice from the voice of my flesh and the voice of the enemy. I have been resilient, making myself available as he crushed and moulded me to become a man like him and after his heart. Of course I am still in the moulding process and I will continue to be broken and remoulded till I am made perfect in him as I yield my will,my mind and flesh in submission. I am his workmanship and proud to be his handiwork.
The spiritual man has gained ascendancy over his intellectual processes.And his spirit has gained ascendancy over his body and physical senses.
I ruminate over my young marriage as the plane soars in the air .I simply cannot understand why women will focus on their baby and forget us husbands their first baby that gave them another baby.
Of course I knew Omolade would pour so much attention on our child if she had survived but I did not expect it to be this bad that I am no longer needed as a man and as a husband. As a husband it is my responsibility to defend ,guard and lead my home as Christ would do for the church , but if I am trying to lead and my wife who is supposed to obey my leading and give me support is dragging me down, how is our home supposed to stand. It’s by the little things we do like keeping malice for more than a day, pettiness, communication,selfishness especially and unwillingness to sacrifice..that introduces little foxes in our vine and not necessarily the delicious food or constant sex. It is developing similar core values-like fellowship with the father and discussing the revelation he gives us individually and making a conscious effort to date ourselves even while married. And I trust the freshness of the holyspirit to make our marriage new everyday.
One day, I saw Omolade weeping in our second month of marriage because she saw her period . I did not understand then.
Yes .I admit I am jealous and maybe guilty , of course I want to be treated and pampered like her only child but also looked upon as a man and respected as her king.
I want my wife to be my queen, gazing at me with a wide eye puppy look. I want her to look at me like God’s only creature. I don’t want to contend for her affection with her friends, job and especially not our child. As much as I would love my child, it will be a different kind of love and in another compartment of my heart. It hurt me so bad that the only way my wife think I can be useful in her grief is to give her another child
“Omolade it was to me you said your vows . There was no child there ooo”
“Where’s my husband?” I ask in confusion. I notice Kayla give Ashley the eye look . I turn to look at Ashley. I say to her in yoruba to tell me whats happening and she should remember that I was her friend first before she met Kayla. Instead only silence and more eye shifting meet me.
After a whole day of no call from my Tayo and no visit, I know that I am doomed. Negative thought run through my mind at will like blood flowing through a vein. I imagine Tayo chasing me out of the house; sleeping in the guest room; cheating on me;locking me up in a room for life. This thoughts and imagination creates fear in me. They whirl over me like a mighty wind bent on destroying the obstacle in its path. I float helplessly and hopelessly.. I am desperate to grasp any form of sanity so I call Peter who I have not seen since the accident. I know that he’s around the hospital, concerned about me but afraid to show his face because of Tayo.
“Come. He is not around”. I say to him over the phone.
As soon as I see him, I begin to weep.”Peter my husband has left me!”
“Don’t say that Omolade. How can he leave you? You are beautiful,loving,wonderful”
“Peter stop Joor. You just want to make me feel good.If I was that wonderful my husband would be beside me ”
“But you asked him not to come? I overhead the nurses discussing it and how angry he was that he even began to speak to himself like a mad person. That’s a sign that he loves you Lade”
“Haaa mogbe! I have made them say all this bad things about Tayo. I am finished!”
He comes close to me. For every complaint I make, Peter responds with something nice in return.
“Omolade you are valuable. You are multitalented. You are beautiful, effective at work, kind,compassionate and spirit filled. Don’t let the enemy tell you otherwise okay?”
Spirit filled in words but not in deed.
I nod in response as tears roll down my face. It feels really good hearing someone tell me I am beautiful and valuable. It makes me angry at Tayo for not saying any of this things to me
Did you give him a chance
I suddenly realise that Peter is beside me and I have been weeping into his chest. I am so grateful for his presence and being able to open up to him. I couldn’ have said anything to Ashley who I have judged in the past neither could I have spoken to Kayla who is perfect in all her ways,extra spiritual, never gets angry and whom my husband loves so much that if she weren’t his cousin I am sure he would have married her.
I chose you for him for a purpose.
Peter’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “I know how you feel losing a child. Its the most painfulest thing a woman can experience it . Even worse than Labour pains”
“You know right? And my Tayo is nowhere to be found.” I am grateful that at least somebody understands my pain. A fresh bout of tears cascade over my face with force, the pain is too much too bear. I sniff . “Peter I just wanted him to fight for me when I asked him not to see me. I was hurting and that’s the only way I could express my grief. Who else will I pass my anger to if not my husband?”
I feel comforted by Peter’s arms, soothing words and presence. It is needed for sanity
With spring step and assurance from God , I walk boldly into my wife’s room . I take in the scene before me.
Omolade’s disheveled hair is plastered all over her face which still has tears on them. I see her daft boss whispering something to her. Her face is shut tightly with the same force that she is holding onto his shirt. You could tell she was going through a great turmoil. I am grateful that at least someone was with her and she is not alone. I am not selfish to wish it was me and not someone else.
He begins to gently remove the hair off her face. When he is done he smoothens the tendrils very gently over her head. I am expecting him to stop cause I can clearly see the shining gold band that signifies that he is married on the hand that is touching my wife’s head.
Okay, I would not have waited to see this rubbish but I am just tired of Omolade that I have no power left in me except the one God gives me to fight for her and love her as unto the lord.
In a flash, In a space of a second and less than the speed of light I see his head bend towards Omolade’s lips. I know I am going to kill somebody today but my temper freezes when I see Omolade respond to him.
…He has come to steal,Kill and destroy
I feel I am in the midst of a nightmare only that in the nightmare Omolade is crying out my name and crying as she returns the kiss. Only that it is real. I know that the devil is Peter and he is taking advantage of my emotional unstable wife.
Instead of getting angry I simply tap him on his shoulder and quietly ask him to leave but not without fulfilling my first wish when he called me five days ago to tell me he thinks my wife fell.
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