In case you missed: After I do- episode 11
“Mogbe! Tayo please stop!Tayo don’t put blood on your hands”. I scream but Tayo seems not to be listening to me as he continues to deliver several punches on Peter’s face. If I don’t stop Tayo he is going to kill him. I jump on his back to stop him from delivering more deadly punches on my boss already bruised face. I know for sure that I am back to square one. ‘Home alone and jobless’
Maybe that’s where you need to be to find your first love again.
Holding on to Tayo’s back I plead some more. I am dangerously tossed from side to side on Tayo’s back as he continues to punch Peter. I continue to scream when I see blood running down Peter’s nose.I beg Tayo but he completely ignores me. I lose my balance and find myself flunged carelessly to the floor , completely ignored. I remain there crying, hoping Tayo notices me and stops but he doesn’t. When he is satisfied with the beating, he stands up, brushes off imaginary dust off his clothes, he unlocks the door and walks out without even sparing me a glance .
I wonder what I have gotten myself into and begin to cry. I don’t know if I should attend to my badly bruised boss laying on the floor or I should run out to my husband. No wonder no one had come to help, I did not realise Tayo had locked the door. I am so scared. I have never ever in my life seen Tayo act that way. I have never for once thought Tayo had it in him to react in anger so violently . The Tayo I know is so gentle, very patient and generous. It takes a lot to get an angry reaction from him , I wonder what my boss must have done to him apart from him kissing me. Now that the door is open I see nurses rush up to attend to Peter, they throw several questions at me but I am too hurt to answer. I am in a dilemma, I have tried to take care of myself for myself but I see that I am not capable. I had assumed normal intellectual reasoning will be okay to sustain me as an individual and as a wife but I see that I am useless. “let no man think that he is sufficient unto himself, but God is our sufficiency.”
I pray to the heavens .”Dear lord I have made a big mess taking care of myself. How did I stoop so low to allow another man kiss me? Now I see that I am incapable of being righteous by my own strength and standard. I see that I am infact capable of doing nasty things like Abortion, murder, prostitution,drugs, adultery and have no right to judge and condemn other people in sin instead I should be compelled to pray for them and show them what love does” .
“Why did I see it necessary to condemn in the first place? How come I never noticed that you sustained me to be the good girl who waited to get married before having sex. Why did I for once think I am good according to the standards of society because I am strong and disciplined? How did I forget that only the creator can take care of its creation the proper way it should be taken care of. I know I have messed up big time! I’m about to go meet the husband you gave me , please lord let me know that you’re with me me by calming him down before I get to him . If you do this lord, I promise to let you in on every area of my life…even when it comes to little decisions like what colour of pant I should wear. I promise to love on you the way I should and never be content living life without you”
Even though I have prayed and done a deep reflection on myself I am still restless. I decide to call Kayla. There’s no need to be proud for nothing. With a trembling voice I tell her everything that happened. I cry some more hoping to gain some pity and sympathy from her
What happened to asking me for direction? How long will you continue to try everything outside me before you realise all you need is me? Have I asked you to call Kayla ?
I gasp in shock when I hear the soft voice of my spirit speak to me. I guess I am so used to taking instructions based on my mind reasoning that I have forgotten my promise to God to always consult his spirit before I make a decision.
I am sorry lord. Give me one more chance please
“Omolade you married Tayo, you have to fix this yourself. I will not interfere in this, please don’t ask me to!”. Kayla says to me in a stern voice over the phone. I gasp in shock at the tone of her voice. I thought Kayla was the little miss perfect pretty goldy spirit moved loving woman whom my husband holds in high esteem as the perfect model of a godly and virtuous woman.Despite all the emotions I packed in my voice hoping to get some sort of pity from her I don’t get any. I regret telling her anything in the first place, I wonder what she must think of me.
I stamp my foot in frustration.
My worry threatens to give me hypertension, so I decide to call Ashley.
I did not ask you to call Ashley either.
I stop in the process . “God what do you want me to do now”
Worship me
An old song comes to my mind. It is a song by by Barlow girl. Even if its old, it expresses how I feel
Why, why are You still here with me
Didn’t You see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it’s here I see the truth
I don’t deserve You
[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won’t keep my heart from You this time
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
‘Cause You’re a God who has all things
And still You want me
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Every body delights in shouting and hammering communication !communication!communication! when giving advice on marriage but most of them are guilty for the lack of it. Easier said than done! pffffh!
Communication indeed when you’re shocked at the things your wife does, communication indeed when you’re angry and the only way to calm down is to separate from the person, Communication my ass when you know communication with the person makes matter worse and it’s easier to just to ignore.
I hiss several times in my mind as I watch my parent and Omolade’s parent and another relative give us advice upon advice on communication. I nod in meek mockery as if I am hearing something new for the first time in my life. My marriage with Omolade is a combination of love, happiness, endurance,anger,high times and low times which is normal in every marriage. It is not intolerable as these people think it is, there is just a strain in our core values of recent. And my core value is an intense relationship with Christ.
“Omolade you have to be submissive and stop running your mouth. Is it because you now work that’s why you have become proud”. One of Omolade’s uncle says.
I look at him with the side of my eyes. A sardonic laugh escapes my lips. In his mind he thinks that’s the solution to our supposed marital issue. When people just give off handed advice I am amazed. How can a wife be submissive of her own will when she has not yet fully submitted to her creator? and how can I expect her to be submissive to me if I haven’t led her as Christ leads the church. People just give advice without telling you how to do it.
First of all I am mad as hell at Omolade for going to run her mouth to her family. I guess she was scared of what I was going to do to her after seeing her and her boss kissing. What she does not know is I held no grudge against her then, I had only beaten the shit of Peter because he is a reminder that I am not going to be a father anytime soon because of his carelessness.
It was guilty conscience dealing with Omolade and now I am dragged to this mess, my marriage opened for in laws to meddle in. Thanks to Omolade who still hasn’t realised that vain is the help of man if God hasn’t asked you to meet the man.
“Stop crying jare. Kneel down and beg your husband.Don’t stand up till he has forgiven you”. I hear Omolade’s uncle scold again.
There’s an itch that I cannot ignore anymore. I look at my wife looking dejected and for the first time very humble. She looks like the root of her existence and the very reason she lives is about to be pulled out and tossed away right under her nose. I don’t like that look one bit. Nothing on earth should make anyone look that way after God has already paid a heavy price to reconcile us back to God, not after the love he has so much poured and lavished on us.
I clear my throat when the same uncle doesn’t stop his bullying. I know he is only being nasty to Omolade to show his support for me and so I can forgive her quickly, but he needs to understand that Omolade and I are one, and if he insults her, he is as well insulting me hence not on my side. I blame Omolade so bad for taking our affairs outside and my anger is fueled up but still I cannot stand the fact that my wife,my flesh , the bone of my bone is at the centre of all of these unnecessary scolding.
I clear my throat to speak “Mum, dad,uncle thanks for caring enough to come. Omolade has just lost a child and probably still hurting. Eeeerm she does not deserve to be spoken to harshly for now.She needs our love and support, I think I decide when she should be scolded.
I pause to continue “Uncle You have scolded me today even when I did not do anything to deserve it”.
His face contorts to show his confusion .”Hahaaaa how did we scold you? . It’s your wife we need to speak to ko le gbo dada, ko le da gba”.
“All this 21st century wives are so spoilt. She is not the first woman to lose a child and it is not an excuse for her to start sharing kisses with other men” He spits out in anger. “All these women running around shouting gender equality.In her mind she thinks she is equal to …”. I am about to interrupt the same uncle who has been running his mouth since but Kayla beats me to it by making a very dramatic entrance to the sitting room where the meeting is holding .I guess she had been listening to the conversation from her room.
“No no no uncle you do not have the right to say that to anyone talkless of Tayo’s wife. Uncle you do not say a wife is spoilt in the presence of her husband, its an insult to him.You have absolutely no right to say that shit you just said about her not being the first person to lose a child! Do you think you are insulting Omolade alone? You are as well insulting Tayo”
“For the life of me I cannot believe you have the effrontery to say that comfortably”. She continues angrily. We are so stunned that no one speaks. When I finally find my voice, I touch her shoulder to try to calm her down but she slaps my hand away with a force that sounds so loud.
“Tayo don’t dare touch me. How dare you sit there for and allow someone insult your wife just because she made some mistakes. Have you not made mistakes in the past? Oh! you can’t answer ?”
“Kayla please calm down” I plead even if I know it’s futile.
“Tayo don’t let me forget you’re married and slap your face. I wonder why both of you..” She points to Omolade and I, She gives us a menacing look to show her displeasure . “Why are you both dragging the body of Christ in the mud with your excessive pettiness”.
“Omolade I asked you to speak with Tayo, instead you went ahead to call a family gathering. It’s so surprising that you don’t know what power you have over Tayo. If only you know how much he loves you, only if you will seek God and learn to depend on his wisdom for direction”
She claps her hand and turn her attention back to our shocked parents “With all due respect, Mum and Dad, may I ask that we leave this couple to sort out out their differences by themselves”
I smile as I watch Kayla take over. My love and respect for her triples . I know what I have to do to make her forgive me so I am least bothered by her anger. I am more amazed at her courage to always stand for the truth and give full support to those she loves. I hope she understands that I couldn’t have spoken the way she did because I don’t want any issues with my in-law. I know for a fact that when I tell her this, she will knock my head and probably say we don’t depend on what people say about us, there’s no time trying to please people here on earth when there’s work to be done for eternity.
I hug Omolade as I watch Kayla escort my parent and in-laws out of the house. “Hey baby, I forgive you and I love you with all of my heart”. I whisper against her head.
She nods.
“What do you want. Do you want us to talk or do something else?”
She shakes her head.
I laugh. “What do you want then?”
She fidgets for a while. “I want to be assured that you have forgiven me”
“Of course I have forgiven you. How else do you want me to do show it?” I ask
“Make love to me” She whispers.
I take a deep breathe. “As much as I want to take you up on that request, I am sorry I have to decline. Hold on baby, I decline not because I don’t want to feast on your body and show you how much you mean to me, but most importantly because I want us to be able to comfort each other without solely depending on physical intimacy. I want us to have an intense spiritual intimacy first, let’s discuss what happened and let’s set boundaries that we will both be accountable for. Do you understand ?”
I nod in response to Tayo’s question.
So much drama today. Just when I thought Kayla was against me, she amazed me today by throwing her full support.I know it is God telling me something.
I look at my husband..Chai..I said I want physical intimacy with my him and he is saying he wants spiritual intimacy. I guess I have to compromise, and as I compromise I have to do it patiently. I am grateful to God for his mercies. He truly delights in showing mercy, and his mercies triumphs over judgement.
Oh! I remember I promised to always ask God for his opinion before I make a decision.
“Dear lord, I want to make love to my husband right now, but he is saying we should discuss about you. I just want to know if it’s okay for me to seduce him .
“Give me a sign please!
“I mean, please give me the go ahead”
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